Dear Mr. Sadistic,

Dear Mr. Sadistic,

My number, as if you couldn’t get it which is a lie but I’ll play along for the moment, is 206-555-1212. If you call this number, expect a loud noise and a lawsuit. If you don’t stop calling my cell phone number, I’ll have to talk to you and that, quite naturally, will lead to a lawsuit. If you do stop calling my cell phone number my attorneys have advised me
to initiate a lawsuit. In fact, the next time you pick up a phone and dial any but a local number, I would pretty much expect a process server at the door if I were you.

Although I am in Seattle which is the land of coffee in general and latte specifically, my attorneys have advised me to drink only tea on account of the many lawsuits engendered within the coffee industry. The tea industry is more heavily influenced by bureaucratic regulation and graft-sshhh!-not graft per se, but let’s call it compensatory gift-giving if we have to put a name to it, which we really don’t, Heintz thinks.

yours as ever,


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