Deeply Concerned

Mrs. Corduroy,

I’m deeply concerned. I present you with a simple malicious insult in the spirit of true friendship and you respond with a delusional tirade against our dear friends at U.S. West (have we been bitten?). Your agitated hysteria so far out of rein that you invoke the name of the dear departed Anders Inkling as if he were still living, breathing, and making leveraged buy-outs today. Certainly you must have heard about the terrible accident at the pharmaceutical packaging plant. Truly horrible, however relatively easy to clean up considering the bulk of the mess was contained in a few hundred thousand water-soluble caplets. The widow was, of course, inconsolable. But Agnes Sophia Hergrapenshfeiner-Inkling comes from solid stock and she’ll bounce back in no time.

As to your thinly veiled threats. Bring it on. Bring it on.

Yours with sparrow’s breath,

Solomon Aspic, D.D.S.

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