Monthly Archives: December 2006

A series of coded messages

Dear Anaconda,

I understand, through a series of coded messages, that you have moved your Rook to Queen’s Rook 5. I took the necessary precautions and had your tailor’s mistress in Panama kidnapped. Perhaps you will relinquish your headstrong ambition to create a seki with double ko and consider releasing one of my informants. Perhaps not. My bid is 2 No Trump.

Prison was interesting. I’m sorry they let the old man dry into jerky. These clerical types can never admit their errors and we all suffer. Blankingworth was a good sort, for an embezzler, although it must be said that some of the more advanced murderers in our section were considering assassinating him just to relieve the boredom. He may not have come out of it that badly, all in all. Depends on your definition of “that badly”.

One complaint: the interrogators you had sent to my cell were not up to your usual standards. They gave me the wrong mixture and I went insane for a week. That’s just money down the drain, old man. I know you’re partial to Albanians, but the quality has suffered.

On the other hand, I must thank you for employing such a charming and devious wench in your financial office. She dug a lovely tunnel and she, I, and the contents of most of your Austrian accounts are enjoying the sun here in Durban. Come down. I think the sharks would love to see you again. They missed you last time you were here, curse them.

I must go. Your money won’t spend itself, I’m afraid.

Bishop to King’s Knight 2,

Anders Inkling.

Almanac revisions

Dear Mr. Cartographimera-Sythe,

It is with some measure of embarrassment that I pen this note to you. Well type this note to you. You know what I mean.

It seems there has been a sort of an administrative error over in our internment division. It’s really nothing to worry about, a simple case of mislaid files. Somehow the file of one A. Inkling was placed in with the B’s, I’m not quite sure how it could have happened. However the matter has been put to rights and I can assure you that our files are now once again in tip-top shape.

Of course there is still a small discrepancy that will require your earnest and diligent attention: after a routine inspection we found that our internment occupancy no longer matched our exacting files, per-se. To be specific we found a Mr. Brian Blankingworth in what was believed to be an empty chamber in the “I” division. Unfortunately due to the oversight, no meals or exercise breaks were provided for Herr Blankingworth, much to his displeasure. Well we can only assumed that he was displeased as it turns out this oversight was made some 8 months ago and the good Blankingworth ceased to express any mood or emotion after the first fortnight. Needless to say this does not concern you, my old friend, but you see we have to put our files straight, and as best we can see from our now remedied files, room 26 in the “B” wing, once thought to be the well-attended room of the late Blankingworth should in fact, have been housing the aforementioned A. Inkling. As of this morning B-26 was without occupant and I’m certain that the Assistant Director to the Internment Supervisor’s Records Clerk will be quite upset to hear that his favorite cribbage partner is no longer expected for their afternoon cribbing.

With Fond Memories,

Albert Isaacstern
Junior Assistant Director to the Filing Secretary